wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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