I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
