He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The uberlube is also flammable
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
