Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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