fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
