Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Don't make out with my wife yet
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
