You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
