Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
