Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
It's just like the Real World with babies
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize