I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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