If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
