The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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