Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
