Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
