I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
