I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
