I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
