I think my vagina is haunted
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
