Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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