well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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