areolas are like halos for boobs.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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