The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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