The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
