If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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