I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
