Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
