She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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