I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
