stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
