Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
