Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
