I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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