Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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