He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
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I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
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You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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