Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
