I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
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the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
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Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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