sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
