i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
im holly from the hills drunk
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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