dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you traded sex for a burrito?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
