Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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