I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
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