Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize