Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
