that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
