He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
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I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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