How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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