What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
