it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i think i have two assholes
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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