If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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