he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
