Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
