If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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