I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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