Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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