why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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