Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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