I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
