You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
