so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
