Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
try to milk me bitch
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