No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
