Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just took my morning after pill in the library
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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