found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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