I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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