sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
