Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
