So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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