dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
