oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
