someone get that fucking seahorse.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize