Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
