I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
