So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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