office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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