I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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