I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
