She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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